I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
