she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
