I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Blood and glitter go together right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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