Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
