woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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