im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
