hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
