he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
