I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
