his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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