things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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