i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
