I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
