I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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