He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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