ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize