Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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