The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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