i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
