Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
