I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
