Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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