Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
