Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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