$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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