I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
