New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
