when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
