Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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