My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
