Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
