Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize