Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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