So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize