i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
