apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
