Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
