i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
