Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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