The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
