I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
