Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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