yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you had me at cake vodka
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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