What did we do last night that was yellow?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
