Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
