you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
