Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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