so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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