i was rollin on her like bob the builder
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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