that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
