Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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