Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The power of my boobs compel you
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
