Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
