just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
