are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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