Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
