why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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