I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
