i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
