NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
