My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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