weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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