I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
