Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
