I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just tell him i said nine months
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
