Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
