There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
