you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
