i just had sex bonerless
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
