I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
